From the Laptop of the Undisciplined Blogger

” A writer writes what he knows…” anonymous

My blog began from a desperate dark place; a place I never imagined I would know. It is sharing an intimate revelation to a curious albeit invisible audience some of whom applaud while others sit in woeful silence. Yet, there are those who are ready to criticize and condemn with insensitive comments made to an already grieving author/mother who has taken a chance at publicly journaling about the death of her child who happened to die by suicide (or maybe not…we will never know.)

People of varying religious beliefs all have an opinion about suicide. Many are beliefs from the “Dark Ages”,AD%20476%20was%20the%20time%20of%20this%20event.… or early Middle Ages another time in the past when the Catholic church was not only the religion of the day but also the governing body in Europe. Sins were put in categories from bad to worse: venal and mortal. All of it had to do with money. Back then you could buy yourself out of Hell. Woe be to the poor person who was not only a sinner but a poor sinner. After finding out the truth of how suicide was then made a mortal sin by cloak wearing pontiffs with selfish intent, I was more at ease. Never being of the Catholic persuasion, I have learned a lot of the history of that religion.

I remember a young teenage boy who had died by his own hands not long after my own son had died. His family asked if they could have his funeral at our Methodist church because their church, Our Lady of Victory Catholic church, could not allow it in their church because he had died by suicide. In ancient days those who took their own lives were not even allowed a funeral or to be buried on “holy ground” and their families were even ostracized. Many people who took their lives were not able to pay their taxes so in desperation they died by suicide. The Catholic church decided to put an end to that by making it a mortal going-to-hell sin. They would make those poor sinners pay with their money or their souls. In saying all this about the beginnings of the Catholic church, all religions have been poisoned by mankind in some way no matter the original intention. Jesus was not happy with religious Pharisees.

My own writings have been cruelly judged by legalistic people who have dismissed the coming of our Savior Jesus Christ as just one more judgment on our sinful existence. They do not know the love, mercy, and grace…. forgiveness and the Good News. I think I feel sorrier for them than they ever would for me in this horrific loss of my son. The judgmental audience is the risk one takes when blogging about this sorrowful subject along with the agony of grief.

I not only started this blog to relieve my mind and heart but to share with those others who suffer the same. I found so little on the subject when in the first few months of grieving a suicide. I decided I would make a place of information for the parents of children who have had mental illness and/or have passed away by their own hand. I will never truly know if it has been the help I had intended although because of comments I have been overwhelmed at how it has helped some. Those who have found their way to my blog of pain hopefully share the joy and peace of knowing God who has my boy with Him now. Peace and pain have gone hand in hand all along through this path of grief.

I am a writer who knows of what she writes. I have sadly been derelict in my writing as of the last few years. I can hardly believe it myself. Since my last writings I have become a great grandmother to four great grands. Life has changed over and over again. I can hardly keep up even with my two new acquired hips this past year. But I am still in the race.

I am all too familiar with the topic I would have never chosen for myself. This was put upon me and now I must write. “A writer writes what he/she knows …”

God bless the reader. It is well.


  1. Hi Dale, you well know what you’re talking about. I’m sorry you’ve had hurtful commentary. That just adds pain upon pain and accomplished nothing helpful. Your blog helped me understand better, this specific form of parental bereavement, for which I am truly full of gratitude towards you. Brandon is in Paradise with Jesus. End of story. Love you, soth! Donna


    • Thank you, Donna. I am touched by your understanding. I think neither of us would have chosen to be familiar with loss and grief. Perhaps sharing our Father’s grace and love through the most horrible of losses (my son and your whole family) will help others in circumstances such as ours. God bless you my friend and sister of the heart.


  2. Hi Dale 🙂 Congratulations on great-grandmotherhood.

    I finally decided that my beliefs are mostly aligned with Humanism/Atheism, but I still respect your writing and beliefs. It’s nice to see another post from you.


  3. Thank you, Andy. Great grandmotherhood has been a joy like non other.

    I can only hope you will change your mind Andy about having faith in God. While I can attest to how God has been present in my life and the faith I have in Christ as my Savior, Humanism/Atheism offers nothing….no hope in something bigger than ones self and a heavenly afterlife. The Bible is history, prophecy…and instruction. There is so much to know before you make that fateful decision for all eternity. Please realize it before it is too late. Speaking the truth in love.


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