am a Christian who has been beaten and scarred by the ongoing spiritual battle after the loss of my son, Brandon, to suicide. Depression was prevalent in Brandon’s life since the onset of puberty. Before then he was a happy go-lucky boy whose only struggle in life was his ADD which was the passive kind, meaning he lived in his own little world. He was obedient and very kind to others. It did not matter to me that I had to call his name at least three times to get his attention. What did matter was his inattentiveness in the classroom and so he was tested and put on Ritalin. He was on medication even into adulthood but only in a classroom situation. In looking for blame, I blame myself for allowing my child to be put on a medication that had no evidence at that time of long term affects.

My father dealt with depression when he was in his early twenties, as a result, he too attempted suicide. He meant to die because he shot himself in the chest but, I guess it was not his time. Winston was diagnosed as a “neurotic depressive.” I don’t know how that translates in today’s diagnosis. He survived so that the DNA would continue and here I am, telling the saga of mental illness/clinical depression that has glued itself to the very fiber of my family tree. When my father died, it was from a massive heart attack brought on by too much digoxin in his system. I will always wonder if it was an intentional overdose, in light of all I have learned.

I feel like a very old woman, tired and worn from the emotional test from losing a child to suicide. It does not take any imagination what it must have been like for my son. He is gone and must have suffered terribly an emotional suffering that compelled him to heed a dark impulse. These past three years have been torment. My own sanity felt like it was at risk at times. I am suffocating under the weight of this grief and I often wish it was over for me, as well. I miss my wonderful son. We had a wonderful relationship, which in the end, seemed not to matter. I tell myself upon going to bed at night that the day is over and I am one more day closer to Heaven. My tear soaked pillow is still damp when I wake up the next day. I am still crushed and on some days it seems like it is new all over again. It is a torment that I don’t ever see ending until I die.

In the very beginning, I tried to read the Bible but in my pain the words sounded harsh and punishing. I read devotions, instead. Even in my anguish, I struggled to find solace in what I knew would be my salvation. I went to the internet and found foolishness and ignorance but also wisdom and acceptance, and understanding. There, too, have been ministering angels, total strangers sent by God.

I have very little patience with those people who believe that a suicide goes to hell or that the grieving parents failed that child in some way. There is so much ignorance on the subject. It hurt me to the marrow of my soul when in the very beginning of this unwanted experience I would come across blogs online written by religious persons who think they know the mind of God. If you read the Bible at all, you will already know that God says we can’t know His mind….”For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.” Isaiah 55:7-9 .. I am so very thankful that they are not God and that the only way to hell is to reject Christ. My Brandon was a Christian and he had such a wonderful heart albeit overly sensitive to the loves in his life. If I could be like someone, it would be my son.

This experience has humbled me and strengthened me at the same time. I have felt the power of God in my life and his signs of mercy on me in most divine and fascinating ways. Then again, on other days, in my humanness I forget, and there I go again into the deepest abyss where no one should have to go. It is an ache like no other. It is not only maddening grief but a spiritual warfare.

My creative, sensitive, loving, son yearned for the love of his life to love him back. In his own words taken from a prayer journal now in my possession,”I love too much”…  like my father, who he hardly knew, was spurned by unrequited love.  My son died because his brain was altered by irrational emotions and depression. Outside forces were also at play and were the catalysts that propelled him into an unforeseen action.

He was gone and all twenty-nine years of my prayers and nurturing did little good. In the end, it did not save him from himself. My struggles are with the obvious whys of it all and devastating sorrow, the complicated grief that trails me like a shadow. I have been shamefully angry at God but as I heal each day and grow in my faith I realize the Lord saved my son from this world, and that it is not how a person dies that matters but how that person lived. As the tired old cliche says, “He is in a better place.”  But to a grieving mom, the “better place” is in her arms. After all, I am only human.


66 thoughts on “About

  1. I lost my brother to suicide 16 years ago. He was 17 years old. My parents would echo every word you have written (and me too!). Those days of sitting in God’s comfort and those days of pounding my fists at God asking him why . . . and the cycle of those kinds of days over and over again. Praying you find healing through your blog, through connecting with others who have experienced your kind of unimaginable loss and grief, and through the power and of our Lord and Savior.

    • Thank you friend for your kind comment. I am so sorry you have had to personally experience this kind of loss and suffering. I lean on our Savior to get me through every breath.

  2. Dale, the word that comes to mind now is TRUST. When we don’t know who to turn to, what to do or where to go in our journey of sorrow–God can still be trusted even when we cannot find the answers in this life. One SECOND more, or one SECOND less would have meant my whole family would NOT have been instantly killed in that wreck…Faith is tested most severely when the pain is incredibly intense and not understandable as to “WHY?” I finally gave up trying to figure out “WHY?” and I was finally able to start breathing again. In many cases, properly monitored medication can be of assistance to help us feel more balanced. Extreme sorrow can cause changes that may require medication. You won’t be “over it” by year three, or ever…you will “get through” the crisis though and the intense pain will usually subside, many find, by the end of the third year. Your boy is in Paradise. Jesus assures us!

  3. You are so right, Donna. All through this pain I have leaned on God…at the same time, feeling frustrated with and angry at Him. I know that I should not have done that because it felt so wrong. I have always feared the Lord in the respectful way that one who believes does. It came as a shock to me that I could say the things I have said to the Lord during my worst of times. I have always thought and still do think that God’s power is irrefutable and that He could have stopped my son from his self-destruction…Brandon prayed that in his prayer journal. That is the hardest part, as you know from your own tragedy, that we expected this protection because we prayed for it. We trust that God has our children because ultimately, for all of us, this is the goal. Our loved ones just arrived first. I praise God and love Him. Please read the article Vapor listed in my posts. Everything on that site is excellent. I stayed up late reading much of what was there and went to bed with a peaceful heart. I slept.

  4. I am truly sorry for what you have had to endure through (humanly speaking) absolutely no fault of your own. I am glad you are at peace in your mind about where your your son is.in spite of any beliefs to the contrary. I would kindly ask you to rest completely assured in your heart that if you have Jesus in your heart, you have more than all you need. This is not a placebo, but the truth. God wants you to see Jesus as more than enough compensation against all that the enemy might have thrown against you, and wipe your tears and put a smile on your face – by faith. I love you.

    • Your sweet kindness can only be the heart of Jesus. Thank you for your support and saying the right things. Jesus is ALL anyone needs….through all the storms and doubt. Much love back to you. God bless you dear friend. It is well.

      Dale, Brandon’s Mom

  5. The fact that we have a sovereign God who has given us the gift of believing in Him is enough to leave a smile on our faces in the midst of the worst crisis. We might not know, but He knows why He would allow some (sometimes unbearable) things in our lives.

  6. Dale, through all the pain and heartache, God is big enough to take your anger and frustration. You already know He is with you every moment, carrying you when you cannot walk on your own. The Spirit groans for you when you don’t have the words to pray. And, yes, Brandon is safe, peaceful and with the Lord. It is his faithfulness when he lived that allows him to be there now.
    The Lord’s prayer says to pray for daily bread – take it one day at a time and He will see you through. His right hand uphold you.

  7. Your affirmation and encouragement have brought tears of joy to me today, Susan. It does make a difference to have others who believe tend to my wimpy heart. I must remember to take it one day at a time….God is holding me up and sending me angels who minister to my needs…you are one. Thank you so much, my new friend.

  8. I am so sorry for your tragic loss. Thank you for your courage in sharing here. I have no doubt you are helping so many other hurt souls with this selfless work…your blog. Blessings, Oliana

  9. My heart goes out to you. I have experienced the effects of suicide in my extended family, although many years ago. And again, recently, when someone I knew decided enough was enough.
    I suffer back and forth from depression and can almost understand the desire to not exist in body. To go to sleep and keep on sleeping. I have not explored your whole site yet but I see you have various articles on suicide and scientific research. I will get to them.
    Your struggle may never cease to be. How can a mother ever forget or cease to wonder, if only? But, be assured, your son is home now. Probably sorry at the loss you feel for him. Take heart from what you already know, that God is love and all love returns to Him, to source. Your son is there in His love, cradled by Him, as only He can comfort.
    I wish you peace although I don’t know how possible you feel that to be for yourself. My prayers are with you.x

  10. Dale, Just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. In a world that needs some mutual support, I wanted to remind you that I’m here. I’d love to communicate via email if you’re amenable to that; just a more private way to offer prayer and encouragement. My email is fox_susanirene@yahoo.com (that’s an underscore between the “fox” and rest…) Love to you.

  11. I am so, so very sorry for all you have had to endure. You took the time to comment on my post on Project O and so I wanted to come over to your blog and visit you. I can say that I will remember to pray for you, but I don’t want this to sound trite in what is the deepest of losses. God bless you dear sister, God be with you in your darkest hour and let His comfort flow through you even now. x

  12. Thank you Sherri, for caring to visit and comment and also for the prayers that I need so much to get through life. I am glad we have “met” and that God is sending me “angels” like yourself and the others who have read and posted. It means very much to me. God bless you and your family.

  13. Hi. When you first left a message on my blog and I came to your blog, I was overwhelmed by the extent of your loss and could not bring myself to write as everything seemed so meaningless. I just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts. I am really, really sorry for your loss.

  14. I am so sorry for your pain, and cannot imagine what you are going through. I know these words are nothing new, but please be encouraged. Perhaps writing is what you need to do to find your way out of the darkness. x

  15. Thank you for your encouragement. Writing is what I like to do but along with it comes the sadness that Brandon was also an aspiring writer who did it so well. I hope to one day post on my blog some of his writings but as for now it is just too sad. xo

  16. I have been reading your blog. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain (and your son’s pain). i wanted to let you know that I’ve added your blog to the website that I’ve been curating in memory of my 23 year old son who was killed 19 1/2 months ago. The site is a collection of blogs, articles, and other resources that are helpful or meaningful to bereaved parents and siblings. http://www.scoop.it/t/grief-and-loss

    • Thank you for keeping up with my blog. I, too, am so sorry for the loss of your son. I have checked out your site and think it is a wonderful thing that you are doing in honor of Graham. I would like to add your link to this blog, as well. I have never done that with a link before so I will figure it out, hopefully. God bless you for all that you are doing.

      • And thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with the rest of us. I just wish that none of us had any need to be here at all. It’s difficult to even remember what it used to be like to be “normal”.

  17. Thank you so very much for join my Journeys Through Grief Newsletter blog. I would like to suggest that you subscribe to my Bereaved Parent newsletter. http://bit.ly/BPSignUp A free, online publication written by bereaved parents and caring professionals. Sending comforting HUGS, Peggy Sweeney, Editor

  18. I was Googling around to see why Sandra Lertzman (from Ohio, who founded the Animal Rights Foundation), would commit suicide. It turns out she had been battling depression – she had been taking prescription pharmaceutical drugs. This common link keeps popping up time and time again.

    I looked around this blog, and felt the incredible sadness that one feels at the loss of a loved one.

    As a Christian, I have faith that nothing is impossible with God. A loving God, my God and your God – has compassion and sympathy. He would know the difference between deliberate informed decision and drug induced fog.

    In any event, Jesus tells us all in Matthew 7:13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

    Have courage. Your son had a guardian angel and a community of family and friends waiting to greet him. Look for the return of Jesus Christ, and look forward to a long life of appreciating every moment of your life lived.

    Honoring your son in this way may be very helpful to your own good health. Just remember there are others alive now, that need you.

    I will include you in my prayers when I remember you.


    • Thank you, Steve, for your encouragement and for reading my blog. I am always glad to know that whatever I have posted may be of some help to others as I relate my own understanding of mental illness, death by suicide, and the trials of this life and how my faith in God has been at the core of it. I would never have imagined that God would use my suffering in this way but then I must remember : Romans 8:28
      “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.”

      I believe I have either posted in an archive about Lertzman or remember reading about her depression and anti-depressants on another blog….it all runs together for me sometimes. But, I am aware of what happened to her. Very sad. Suffering is always at the root of suicide….many components to consider with this kind of death.

      I thank God for your comments and for your prayers and I ask that he blesses you for helping me and reminding me that I am still here and needed.

      Blessings of love to a brother in Christ.


  19. Dale, your blog is incredibly brave and beautiful. Though I’ve not experienced suicide in my family, I understand the depth of pain a person is in to consider it a viable possibility. You are spot on when you say people commit suicide because they lose hope. It has nothing to do with levels of faith, or weakness, or any other labels people put on it.

    It made me sad to read you say all your prayers were for nothing, though I can understand why -ultimately- you would feel that way. It is so incredibly hard to understand the Why of these hard things.

    I admire that you honor Brandon by being honest and open about what happened. Christians should be more aware and willing to acknowledge suicide. You are helping others more than you probably will ever know.

    • Thank you, Denise for reading my blog. It kind of sums up my understanding of suicide with a collection of those things that make sense to me. I have to be painfully honest when exposing my life and my son’s since this is happening more and more each day in the typical family whose faith is being tested. God will reveal to me one day the answers I so desperately seek. As for now, He has made me more aware than ever that my son is with Him. Again, I appreciate your reply and hope the best for you and your family. Blessings of love to you…dale

  20. Hi lensgirl, tonight I finally found the time to take a closer look at your site. Sorry it took me so long. It’s good to see you’re interested in history like I am; I am convinced we can all learn a lot from looking at the past. For people living centuries ago were people just like you and me, with the same joys and troubles, and sometimes even a little more wisdom than what we make time for today.
    It’s great to see how even though you’re wrestling with unanswered (and perhaps unanswerable) questions, you also try to do something positive with your grief and your uncertainties.
    And if I may say this, and I do mean this in a really positive way myself, I find it really touching how you are finding comfort in your Christian faith. I hope you can hold on to it. I guess the essence in a situation like yours is to make a difference between the core, the essence what faith and religion is all about: and to recognize that sometimes, other people may tend to reason from prejudices and ignorance about suicide. Some people, I think, tend to wrap their prejudices in a religious-looking cloak and present the whole as if their prejudice is a logical part of religion and religious judgment, while in fact their opinions have little to do with the essence.
    Your faith is not shared by me, but is that important when it comes to mutual understanding? When my sister killed herself, I didn’t have the comfort of faith anymore: I had lost mine — in a definitive, irrecoverable way — when I was nineteen. But this doesn’t mean I cannot understand and respect the important role of religion in the lives of others.
    Well, sorry for this long rant, I’m sure we will get in touch once in a while again. Be strong. We all are stronger than we think. And stronger than we sometimes fear.
    Henk van Setten (the historyofmentalhealth guy)

  21. Thank you, Henk, for reading and making a thoughtful comment on what you have read on my blog. I think you make a valid point about where people come from in their thinking on suicide….”reason, rationalizing, and the “essence” of it all.” My faith is what I draw on for my strength in life’s trials. I am eager to share what wisdom I have gained through this very painful process. I have found that all the examples for growth apply i.e. how the black heap of coal is heated and refined to make a clear, and beautiful diamond, how metal is softened by intense heat and hammered into shape…how anything that must change form must go through whatever means to make it better..make it what it was intended to be.

    I like to think that religion is not as important as spirituality. The latter is more about the relationship with Christ Jesus and from that grows our faith. I know that without it I would flounder and sink. Faith offers hope and all of us need hope.

    I am so sorry that you had to experience the sorrow of losing your sister to suicide. My heart cries for all of us. I pray that you will continue your blog and from that people will recognize the need for a more informed society on the subject of mental illness. God bless you.

  22. Thank you for taking the time to read and “liking” a couple of my posts. As you now know, my father committed suicide. I, along with many other people, have struggled with many of the questions and confusion that you’ve expressed so well on your blog. I think you’ve done a great job writing about it. Your son would be proud and grateful to you for deciding to use your experience and insight to help others, for turning something bad into something that can positively impact other souls.

  23. Dale, I just read this and my heart breaks for you and I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son, Brandon. Can you email me? I wanted to send you a prayer/comfort shawl that my family, friends and I are making in memory of Amy’s upcoming birthday. dee.incollingo@gmail.com I have no clue how to find your email address so if its staring me in the face, I apologize.

  24. The way that you describe the grief, the torment, & the despair is heart-wrenching. I couldn’t imagine life w/o my boys…& when I do, (even though they are w/me) it rips my heart out…the measure of empathy is astounding. I’m sending my deepest sympathies to you!!! And many prayers of comfort, strength, & peace to ALL of Brandon’s loved ones!!!

    I was born, approximately, the same time as your son. I’ve been well acquainted w/such ‘inner demons’ over the past 2 decades. I grew up in the Pentecostal church. I have always believed in God, Jesus Christ, & the Holy Spirit w/all of my heart & soul. And yet it felt as though I just could not be saved. It’s been an uphill battle for as long as I can look back. I’ve even tried, numerous times, to escape this world of my own volition. Thankfully, God wouldn’t have it. He had bigger & better plans than I could have ever imagined.

    I wish your son could have found the strength to hold on tighter. The courage to seek out help that suited him, no matter how long it would have taken. I didn’t find my current psychologist until February of 2011. Her genius helped save me from myself. She gave me the tools & understanding to get through even the darkest hours.

    Admittedly so, I’ve been struggling lately. Your story has encouraged me. I’ve been at my wit’s end w/the rebellious phase my 7.5 y/o twins have been going through. Thank you for reminding me that every moment w/them is precious & fleeting…no matter the circumstances.

    I wish you peace of mind, heart, soul, & body!!! I’m sending GREAT, BIG, WARM HUGS!!! And I want you to know that I’m always around, should you ever need a sounding board from ‘the other side’ of things.

    God bless always!


    • Thank you, Llizz for your comments. I have learned more about the grace of God since my son’s passing. One thing we can know is that mental illness is NOT about a flawed character or lack of faith. It is not a sin either. God’s love, mercy and grace are sufficient even for those who complete suicide. If I thought my son was condemned by God for that one dark impulse in a weak moment…then I would not be here. Thankfully, God has sent me wonderful miraculous signs that are a blessed assurance of my son’s life in Heaven. Since I cannot have him here, then the only place I would want him to be is with Jesus. Thanks again for befriending me and opening your heart to my situation. Peace and blessings….Dale…Brandon’s mom

  25. You are most welcome! I couldn’t agree more…the Grace of God transcends any gift we could ever possibly receive. It’s only up to God to judge. People will always have something to say, but there’s only One who’s words count. ♡ XOXOXOX

  26. Pingback: MTHFR: Gene testing for mutations….the results explain my family’s illnesses | In the Wake of Suicide….trying to understand | Mental Dimensions

  27. I read then reread your about page Dale. I didn’t comment right away. I felt like it deserved my full attention. I engage myself in some venues were quick comments and off the cuff thoughts are ok. When I speak with a person that has great loss or something personal going on in their lives. I am very cautious and want to be of the upmost respect to them. I only want to offer them what God wants me to share with them. I want to build them up not hurt them.

    That being said it appears sometime has passed for you since you lost Brandon. It has been 4 months and 11 days for me. Time will not heal our loss though. No words can take away our pain. Pray for me and others that have lost loved ones. I have found that in helping others I help myself. I don’t focus on just the folks that have lost loved ones. I try to let God love all of those that have need through me. I place all my trust in him daily and guard my heart tenderly. I watch closely what I allow to get in my soul and mind.

    I want to encourage you and me tonight and say that I believe that God is aware of our pain and loss and that he genuinely cares about our life. I agree with you when you said no man thinks like God. We do not know his thoughts. I believe one day we will be reunited with our loved ones where there is no pain and suffering.
    God is more than abel to and wants to let peace,joy and love into mine and yours life in the midst of our loss.

    I believe God will use my loss to restore others to him and to bring others to him. That not one will be lost. He is changing my life even in the middle of my loss. God is more than abel to keep that which we give him. He ask us to cast our cares and burdens to him. I don’t want you to think I am some religious nut who got on here tonight with I got it all figured out. I don’t . At the end of the day. I am still here and Kelly is gone and that hurts. I will trust God to get me through. He created me and Kelly. She always belonged to him. His creation. I had her for awhile and oh how I enjoyed her and remember her. Memories is what we have now. God is with us so how can anything harm us. He will uphold and care for you and me.

    All my prayers and love Tom

    • Thank you, Tom for reading my post and responding with your thoughtful reply. I really do appreciate your prayers and concern. Your strong faith is a true testament to how we are to lean on God.

      You are in the newness to this horror of grief that will be with us both until we are reunited with our children. I am so very sorry that you have to endure such as this. Your attitude is encouraging and I know your words will touch others as they have me. I do believe that is how God intends it to be. As it is written: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

      I will offer my prayers for you and your family. I do know that God comforts us beyond all understanding.

      Love and God bless,

  28. I just stopped by to say Hi and tell you that you were on my heart tonight and God’s. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and give you peace. May the love and joy of knowing God keep you daily. May his Spirit bring you comfort when you sleep Dale.

    Much Love Tom

  29. I had lost my closest cousin to suicide and I too have been wondering about the blurryness of those who had committed suicide, but had been saved. But I will cling to the verse in which Jesus says that the enemy cannot snatch those who are His from His hand. I just get sad about how sad she must have been on the very hours and minutes prior to having taken her life. I know that sadness because I too have tried to kill myself at least 3 times. All 3 times, I never went through with it because the Lord would always put in my mind my family members who will not be able to cope if I were to do so. Praise the Lord that He keeps us in His care and continues to keep us going on each day. May God bless you and you are certainly a blessing to me by sharing your own story and writing about it on this blog.

  30. I came upon your blog quite by accident. I so appreciate the tormenting last few years you have endured. I cannot imagine the loss of one of my children under any circumstances. But, a child lost to suicide brings with it a list of seemingly unanswerable questions, I am sure.
    I wish that I had the time and the ability to explain to you the embattled mind and spirit of one who is struggling with anxiety and depression. A hurt so deep that they would rather die than spend one more day aching so deeply that they can hardly take another breath.
    “They” is me and I am so sorry that you have been left to struggle through life without your son. It is a family disease and it is merciless and tormenting. There are days that life may be tolerable and there are days where putting one’s feet on the floor is an accomplishment. Either way, it ebbs and flows and never, ever stops.
    I have been blessed with a counselor and psychiatric nurse practitioner that have helped me, with God’s guidance, achieve a peace and happiness like I have never known before. If you have never, ever known a single day in your life without joy, then how could you possibly know that life could ever be anything more? There are still days when the waves come, but they are farther and farther apart.
    I have spent so many days and nights bowed down on my knees in prayer with tears flowing to the floor screaming, begging God to help me.
    Your words make my spirit ache for you and your family. I read where you had said that one of the entries in your son’s prayer journal was to “please, God, keep me from destroying myself.” I also keep a journal and have written that exact same thing, word for word.
    I pray God will grant you, with time, some measure of peace and understanding. I believe your son was tormented by a force so strong that suicide was his only escape. He is free of that now. Depression skews one’s perception of their reality. It puts a grey filter over one’s life and dulls all the shiny nuances of their experiences. He now sees with the filter of God’s perfect peace and love.

    • Dear kind Robin, thank you so very much. I do not believe you stumbled across my blog by “accident.” I believe God guided you here to leave these precious words that have soothed my ailing heart this morning at 2:a.m. I am having a very sad day already. Tossing and turning, I have not slept and decided to come to the computer and answer some emails, etc….here I am …..reading your words. No, it was not by accident but by providence.

      While it is disturbing to know that you know all too well the sorrow of depression, you have used your experience as only God would want you to. I am grateful that you have been able to share with me the very intimate struggle you have had with depression. I am glad you survive everyday so that you can help others. You are one of those angels that I believe God sends to me at just the right time. I am blessed.

      Thank you for taking the time to send me, a total stranger, the words that will help me make it through one more day. I pray that God gives you His peace always. I am wrapping you in hugs…my Brandon bear hugs…blessings….Dale (by the way, my maiden name is Jordan.)

      • Dale, you have blessed me, also. You are right. It was no accident. God has a plan for us and I am thankful to Him and to you for sharing this moment along the journey. Peace to you, my sister. Robin

  31. Pingback: MTHFR: Gene testing for mutations….the results explain my family’s illnesses | In the Wake of Suicide….trying to understand | Meditation and Mental Health

  32. Just wanted to tell you that I am praying for you. I know little of what you are going through but I do know there are those dark times when sorrow comes over you and you will have to look for the love of God. Might I suggest that you make a little book of you best responses and when God can not be felt that you can draw encouragement from them. May God turn your tears of sorrow to tears of Joy. God Bless, Dwaine

    • I appreciate you kind comment and your prayers, Dwaine. I do love your suggestion of making a book of responses to keep me encouraged. I am always blessed by readers like you who take the time to love through prayer. God bless you, too, friend.

  33. Reading your moving Mother’s Day post brought me here and through tears I thank you again for sharing with us, your pain and your joys. Grief carries so many emotions but anger is quite powerful, isn’t it? And as God is our father, you know a parent understands the anger of his child. I am so sorry for such a tragic and loss no mother would want to experience such pain. My heart and prayers go out to you, Dale. Cheryl-Lynn aka Oliana

    • Thank you again Cheryl-Lynn for your encouragement. It is never easy…this loss but it is made bearable with prayers and the love of others. God bless you dear friend.

      • When a mother loses a child, I believe every mother mourns along your journey…each person you meet, touch, encounter for the first time. Hugs to you.

  34. I am sorry for your suffering, I am sorry your Son suffered. We will not know on this earth why people we know died through suicide, however when we reach home to Heaven our questions will be answered. God knows and counts our tears. I’m following your blog just now. I can only offer a Prayer for you just now. Take care. Stephen. Psalm 91.

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