In case you are living under a rock and haven’t heard, this is National Suicide Prevention Week and on Wednesday Sept. 10th, is Worldwide Memorial Day for Victims of Suicide. While I understand the need for awareness of prevention, I am caught between “it’s too late” for my son, Brandon, and “is there such a thing as prevention?” If this kind of death could have been prevented we would have had to have known it was a threat to begin with. Really!! How do we prevent something so urgent and immediate, yet so vague and mysterious? Do we campaign and march in the streets with bullhorns and signs or do we curiously stand aside in our silence with banners of names of the fallen? Do we enthusiastically hold up those magic marked posters with demands of “Don’t Jump!” Or do we clutch the photos of our dear loved ones who have succumbed, weeping over the statistics they and we have become? While I understand that there actually may be signs to look for in the suicidal, how often is it said, “We did not realize?” These toxic words, like vomit, have spewed from my very own lips. “If only…”
In my search for the answer to “why” I have had revelation upon revelation and still I feel powerless to have been able to “know” that this would happen to us…to my son. I have sleuthed my way around the world by internet, gone back to the womb where my son was safe and sound, re-examined all of life’s disappointing events, gathered all of my evidence to still feel incomplete and lacking. Surely I should have KNOWN something I shout to myself. But all comes like a powerful avalanche, rushing with a mighty force to knock me down and bury me. Hindsight predicts nothing. Prevention is for whom?
Do I sound cynical? You betcha. I repeat myself here but, while all of the medical world, think psychiatrist/psychologist especially, are hailing the anti-depressants/anti-anxiety drugs as a wonderful treatment for the depressed and mentally ill…the so called cure can actually be adding to the problem. Mind altering drugs are quite capable of killing its host. Too often general practitioners are quick to prescribe what I believe should be closely monitored by hospitalization of the patient to see exactly how they will behave under the medicine prescribed. The supervision should be done by the prescribing psychiatrist. Of course, with big drug companies behind all of this, it is all about the money not the cure. WATCH THIS cautionary video: http://youtu.be/nIlpTGMaHME Please read the blog to get a better understanding: http://truthman30.wordpress.com/
Wednesday will be the day I honor my son. On his death certificate his cause of death is marked and defined by the check next to the word suicide. How easy was it for that coroner to do that? For the past five years I have had to grapple with the way he has been stigmatized…the way my husband and I have been stigmatized by the entire uneducated world. Damage has been irreparably done to all of us. The trauma, the drama, the stigma, the nightmares, the polarizing effect on our lives have been irrefutable. I am left to wonder if there was an underlying theme to much of my son’s art. Were there clues in his dark drawings and paintings? What can I know for certain except that he is gone by his own hand and that there is an urn in a niche at the cemetery filled with my “baby boy.” How could I have called that “lonely man up a tree…out on a limb…” to come down and join us? Art by Michael Brandon Heath