Death gives us new perspectives on many things especially our faith, people, our world around us, and life in general. One thing I have learned to do is be bolder about my beliefs. I believe I owe it to myself, to my son, but more importantly to God. At first grief, I was super sensitive to everything, music, people, words, church, etc…the list is long. I wanted to hide, to insulate myself from all and every aspect of life. Some days I still feel that way. I retreat into my own room…my space, wherever that is on any given day. Mostly my mind.
Some things I have decided to do since death has ruled my life:
Ask God for wisdom frequently. (Like are the things on my list the right things to do?)
‘Clean the closet’ of friends who aren’t.
‘Clean the closet’ of family who abandon and reject. Or did they already clean me from their closet? Silly me.
Speak up loudly about causes that are near to my heart.
Ignore the haters and fakers….”shake it off.” (Taylor Swift)
Accept that I won’t have all the answers now.
Ignore those religious people who think they have all the answers. They are the worst ones about judging how my son died. I have no use for them. I doubt Jesus does either. Religious people are not always Christians. My family and I are Christians.
NEVER CALL to speak to anyone who is aptly engaged in all things technological because very possibly they are not listening to me but are instead on their Ipads, pcs, etc…completely engaged in a more appealing task than listening to me. I have several relatives and friends who do this. SO I won’t be calling them ever again. Emails only. *You know they are doing this when there is an awkward silence to something you just poured your heart out about and then they clamor to sound interested. By the way, I have learned to play mindless mahjong while listening to my mother and her husband. I know.
If I don’t feel like being anywhere then I just will not go.
Pray for my grieving, online-friends who have lost a child.
Always be empathetic to those who have mental illnesses. My heart aches.
My list is short compared to the list of grievances I had at first grief. I have grown to be better at handling the situation. I have learned how to protect myself. I am not apologetic.