Birth Pains

I never expected that part of the pain I would feel in giving birth would include losing you. The happiness that I feel that God chose me to be your mother continues even though it has been overshadowed by our loss. I am still your mother. The pain sometimes seems to exceed the love I have for you. I have heard it said that “it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  I guess it was a risk, as a young woman, that I was willing to take. Certainly this horrific pain mutilates my heart daily. Love = Grief, but I guess you knew that.

My life would have been unfulfilled had I not chosen to be a mother. I will never regret that choice. It has had its moments but I felt my purpose being met as child and I struggled against the winds of this world. I am still struggling. And you, you have satisfied a purpose as the son, a brother, husband, daddy, and an uncle in our family. Those of us left here to wonder about it all don’t quite understand it. We are beyond sad having had to surrender you so soon.

What I am most glad about is that you are safe and sound now. There are no more worries and sadness for you. That I must live the faith in God that I profess. I stand firm on that faith and know that you and I will be reunited. I hold onto that. We are all precious in His sight. You are most precious now on those streets of Heaven. I envision you with an eternal smile and entertaining the angels, our family and friends who have long since gone, and Jesus. It is so much better for you now, how can I complain? I am selfish, still weighted down in the weakness of this flesh. 

We love you, Brandon. Thank you for being our son.


a Brandon collage
a Brandon collage





  1. ~Happy Birthday in Heaven~ Brandon Bear!

    Beautiful collage-oh how I wish I too, could complete one for my children now transitioned. I will always wonder about the “details” that might have been…

    Our pain of giving birth is eclipsed, by the pain of their birthing into Heaven…That pain surely is far greater, as it incorporates not only physical pain, but emotional and spiritual pain also! What “hell” we go through-when they are birthed into Heaven!

    It’s only normal…maternal instincts are very strong, that we would want them here with us-“safe”…It wasn’t until later on in my journey, that I came to really ~trust~ that the safest and happiest place for them, truly was with Jesus…
    necessitating their physically being AWAY from me…

    Not an easy journey in any direction…this bereavement walk. Only by holding hands with Jesus, can we be led toward “the resting place”-both internally and externally.

    May Jesus comfort you and your family, dearest Dale, on this bittersweet day…We have much to look forward to…reunion awaits!



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