The photo is one of the 30 balloons we released into the sky on Brandon’s 30th birthday…the first one “without” him. It was only after the photos were uploaded that we realized that the cloud was in the shape of a heart!
And the sun was a six point star in the July sky. I just know it was Brandon smiling down on us.
Next Saturday is Brandon’s 35th birthday. If he were here I would invite his sisters and family to come over for a cookout, cake and ice cream…. if only….
Today I had to buy a greeting card. I can’t help but notice cards with “Son” in the heading. They jump out at me. I think I would like to buy one and take it to the cemetery along with the bouquet I leave every birthday now…but then that would mean I would have to read the sentiment inside and it would be about dreams and best wishes….so I won’t.
This is one of the many cards we gave to Brandon…..
Of course, it was among all of his possessions. I’m glad he kept everything like I did.
Life can change in an instant. This card was all about Brandon…he loved life even though he may have had depression. Or maybe that was just a mask…the part hidden from us. We will never know the truth about what happened to him. Just because I have had to come to a conclusion because of our situation doesn’t make it any easier…..or understood. Our world is just mixed up and crazy now without him. But above all…it is sadder.
In the Wake of Suicide 
I well remember the angst of “greeting cards”–Seeing the words “Son” or “Daughter” and now “Sister” jumping out at me from the rack “greeted” me alright…with sadness!
The only antidote to that crippling sadness was to flip it 180 and realize my loss is truly their gain. Otherwise I knew I would be stuck in unrelenting sadness at the unfairness of it all…
I cannot fathom the amount of pain you endure– with no real answer to what (or who) really ended Brandon’s physical life. The details about how or why Brandon physically died, and that pain of not knowing, is countered by the truth which we DO know… that Brandon is enjoying Paradise with Jesus, and is spiritually VERY CLOSE to you now. And we have that assurance of Reunion, where we will once again embrace and never have to let go. For now, we wait in “patient endurance” …hard to do but we cannot do anything else really…Brandon’s not really “gone”–he’s only gone from sight!
Those heart-shaped clouds are really neat, by the way! 🙂
Love in Jesus,
Donna
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Yes, he is in Paradise enjoying his eternal life already. It is hard to be here with him there…..as you already know. I am eager to be there, too. This life is difficult. Love you. too…dear friend.
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