Realizing my reality out of nowhere…..

In the middle of a movie…my mind is not always on that thing that requires focus. In the middle of anything, anywhere, anytime….I can be blindsided. I was watching a movie last night and without warning my mind yelled at me: “I can’t believe what has happened!!!” That deep sorrowful ache began again and set the pace of my heart like a gong between my ribs. I will never truly be set free from this agony until I die.

While you were a young man at the end of your life, Brandon, you were still my child. I still had some mothering left to do and it was stolen from me by death. Because I loved you so deeply, I grieve so deeply. And because it is impossible to stop loving you, it will be equally hard to stop grieving. Til the end of my days…

Dear God, please give Brandon a hug and kiss from me. I miss him so badly. Please let this anguish end soon and restore me to my son in Your presence. I love and praise You, Father. In Jesus’ Powerful name. Amen.

"Our Maximus"
wedding day…2001


  1. I wish I had some words that would take your pain away, the way I get through it is by praying, I talk to my daughter every day when I pray, and let her know how much I love and miss her, and how mommy and daddy will be up there with her one day.


  2. Yep I know the feeling and also the feeling wishing I had done this or that, always will, just like always a parent


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