Will I ever get over the guilt?

I find this to be very helpful. Even though, I seem logical and understanding of what happened to my son one minute…in the next I can be overwhelmed with a sense that I should have known…should have been more helpful but in reality, I could not have know that he would die by suicide or I WOULD HAVE SAVED HIM!!!!!

Losing a child to Suicide

guilt-heart‘GUILT. Guilt comes from a mistaken belief that we could have, or should have, prevented the death from happening, or from regret over irreconciled aspects of the relationship. In truth, we all do the best we can given our human shortcomings. We cannot predict the future, nor do we have power over the events in our universe. It is human nature to subconsciously blame oneself rather than accept these truths.’ (From a Handbook for Survivors of Suicide by Jeffrery Jackson)

It breaks my heart every time I hear of another young life lost to suicide and another family shattered.

When a newly bereaved parent joins the support group, nine times out of ten the first thing they write about is now they feel responsible for their child’s death.

As parents we feel we should be able to protect our children from all harm, therefore when anything happens to them we…

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      • Some have likened what I experience to being akin to the death of a child, but I would not presume this given how special the love of a mother is.

        Perhaps my angst has been eased over time by an appreciation of the greater whole of things. I pray that you can eventually find a similar easing of your burden, although perhaps different journeys require different paths.


  1. Responsible to them and not for them eloquently says a lot. From everything you have written, and what I know of you, you were responsible to your son. You were a loving and supportive mom to a son who had an insidious illness. And you were with him right up until the end. As any loving and supportive mom would have been.


    • Thank you, Susan. I know in my heart that I loved my son beyond expression but my mind wants to shoot arrows into that heart. Guilt is the devil’s torture chamber and I have to remind myself where it comes from when I start thinking of all the “what ifs and if only.”


  2. Yes I always feel I could have done more. should have done this or that. If only she had been one to open up more, talk to me and so forth. But my baby girl internalized and that is part of why she is gone. I live with the greatest, painful loss every day, NO I will never be better until I cross over.


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