The Last Entry

I have my son’s dream journal that I bought him about 15 years ago. It came into my possession not by accident but by the grace of God. A few weeks after my son’s passing I had the forethought to call the storage company where he had his belongings (and hers) during their separation. I called the company and explained to them our situation and to please call me if ever she (the “grieving widow”) reneged on the contract…that we would pay it in order to acquire the contents in storage. By Divine intervention, it happened that we would be called.

We moved from Alabama nearer to our hometown in Florida four months after our tragedy. We had a new phone number that had yet to be placed in the directory. I had yet to call the storage company to update the number. Late one Saturday night my husband and I returned home and I just happened to check our phone messages, on it was a young lady asking if this was the residence of Brandon Heath’s parents. My heart was out of control as I listened to her leave the number to call…which was the storage company. We called immediately not expecting an answer since it was late and a Saturday night. We left a message in hopes to be called first thing Monday morning by the young lady. To our surprise she called us in the next few minutes.

Seems there had been a change in managers and she happened to know our son from school. She knew that Brandon had passed but oddly….there was no message in his file by me who had called months before to give my name and number just in case . She took it upon herself to try to find us. Now here comes the “weird” part….she took the trouble to go through all the Heaths in the phone book, thinking we still lived in our hometown all this time. She had no knowledge that we had moved away and had moved back. Strange as it is…one of the people she called HAD our new number and we are not related to ANY of the Heaths in the area. Our phone number was too new…even we were still trying to remember it. She could not recall who it was that she called when we were curious who had given her our new number. To this day we do not know how this happened except to say that God was in this all the time. WE did not have to pay, either. For that I am eternally grateful to this young lady. I believe in miracles and I know that God wanted me to have my son’s things, especially these personal writings that give me bittersweet comfort…if that makes sense. 

The dream journal was for him to enter his dreams because he would have many and he wanted to try to figure them out. I just happened upon the dream journal in a book store and bought it for him. He began to write his dreams but also began writing his prayers. At the time he was going with a girl who had broken his heart and he was on a quest it seems to find “the one.” His prayers have broken my heart but at the same time have given me the peace of knowing his relationship with our Lord. This last entry was written on February 16, 2000 ( he would turn 21 the following July)….one year and one month before he would be married to the woman who was with him when he died. I write the words exactly as they are written by Brandon:

“I’m tired. This entry is a prayer to God all powerful. I ask for forgiveness because I am bad a lot. I ask for strength both physical and mentally cuz I am weak. I ask for guidance cuz I am lost. I ask for enlightenment cuz I am dumb. I ask for help cuz I am alone. Please find her, God. Or I should say, she needs to find you. And I don’t want bad to happen to her. I love her still. If I am wrong then change me. Maybe I am not suppose to have love. Maybe I am a more efficient fighter than lover?? I don’t know. I pray for revelation. I pray for power and wealth yet not in a negative sense. You know me and my heart. It’s not meant to be bad. Please, help me Father. Be with my family, friends, Karen and family, and my enemies as well. Thank you for being with me. I’ll see you soon. In Your Name, Amen.”

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10 thoughts on “The Last Entry

  1. Fascinating to me, how God clearly was involved in the gaining of Brandon’s belongings! How difficult and heartbreaking, to have read that last entry. Yet, as you note, Brandon clearly has a loving relationship with the Lord.

    What a blessing! God IS truly ” in the details.”

  2. Absolutely a miracle, and how wonderful for you. And painful, too, to read things he wrote, and know he isn’t here. But it’s part of him and you’ll have it always…as you have him, always. I’ve no doubt he had a hand in making sure what was his became yours.

    Peace to you, my friend; and so much love, too…

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