….and the angel saved George Bailey….

george bailey

I used to love the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life,” never, ever thinking that some day I would resent George Bailey for being saved from a suicidal death. The movie is loudly playing in the other room and I hear the bell ringing and the singing and I wish the angel had saved my own son that night. Where was my son’s guardian angel? 

My son’s “suicide note” was not a note but a drawing of the death angel presenting her hand to a young man on a hospital bed whose soul has already left his body, sitting up, arm extended. She is a she because of her beauty but she is dressed in a black cape and has no wings. There is a bright light cast down upon the bed as if from Heaven, and the bed is afloat on clouds with shadowy figures in the distance…not scary but not distinct.  There is a small caption at the bottom that reads in my son’s hand, “it’s too late.”  Why was his angel late to rescue him? He/she had enough time to know, as did George’s angel, about what was going to happen. 

I know no one has the answer to my questions. I just muddle through trying to make sense of what is left me.  I wish that my life was a gray Frank Capra movie with the warm, homespun Rockwell setting and the tidy ending. That the angel had arrived in time…the one in white who earned his/her wings….not the death angel in black who escorted my beloved sweet son to Heaven.



One comment

  1. The quest for answers rarely ever ends definitively, but at least you’re doing your best to evolve and understand the world around you.

    And I’m sure your son dwells with the angels in a warm, safe place where the sun is always shining and there is no pain. At least, that’s my hope.

    Be well.


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