Upon reading this I thought that I may have been the author. The emotions and the questions are mine exactly. If this touched me then it most certainly can touch another who has lost a child or loved one to suicide.
WHY, God? WHY???
I DON’T UNDERSTAND ~ WHY DID GOD DO THIS TO ME??
When my son suicided, I went through a short season where I was mad at God, but I knew there was only one place to find my answers… and that was from God. There’s nothing in this world that brings answers or gives me peace… it’s only with God. So I pressed in to God determined to find the answers I needed: answers to questions like, where was God that night… where is my son now… how do I trust God again, etc. And I also want to answer the question for you; do suicides go to heaven? YES!! (Read on)
My Bible says that God (through Jesus) “came to give life, and life more abundantly” but it says that the devil came “to kill, steal and destroy.” God did not kill my son, nor did he decide to “take him home.” There are 3 cases in the bible where God “took” someone, and in all three of those cases, the people were alive when they went. One was the resurrection of Jesus, another was when Enoch “walked with God and he was not, for God took him” (2Kings 2:11), and the other was when Elijah “went up by a whirlwind into heaven.” (Gen 5:24) So I am confident that God didn’t have anything to do with my son’s death. God does not ever kill people. In fact, he has commanded us “Thou shalt not kill.” In the Old Testament, sin and judgment killed them, but it was not God. Example: God created gravity, and if you jumped from a tall tree gravity will automatically work, pulling you down. But if you’re hurt it’s not because God hurt you. It’s because gravity is here. In the Old Testament it was sin and judgment that killed those people. It wasn’t God. (Most bibles are translated to sound like He does, but the original Greek/Hebrew does not say that.)
OK, I can hear you saying, “But He could have stopped it.” No, He really couldn’t have. God gave us a free will and He promised He would never take that free will away from us. God cannot lie, and He cannot go back on promises. No matter how much He wants us to do right, He cannot take our free will and force us to do what He desires. He will even let us choose to go to hell if we want to. He will never step in and take away our free will. Unfortunately, my son used his free will to take his life. I know that broke Gods heart as much as it did mine.
Something else I hear a lot is, “The Bible says that God will never give you more than you can handle. But He did this time!” I have two responses to that. One is that the Bible doesn’t really say that. What it says is that “God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation (trial or struggle) will also make a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Cor 10:13) He has made a way of escape, but we have to choose to take the way of escape He’s provided us. The other thing I want to say is that God has built in each of us an amazing endurance. We can endure so much more than we ever thought we could. In our case the way of escape is to become determined to “take our life back” and watch God help us do just that. The other choice we have is to sink into depression and give our lives over to the very thing that stole our loved ones from us. God won’t help us until we fight to help ourselves.
“How do you know your son is in heaven? I was told suicides to go to hell?” Well, unfortunately we are told a lot of things that I have never been able to back up when I study the Bible for myself. In the book of Judges it tells the story of Samson. In 16:30 Samson says, “Let me die with the Philistines!” and he pushes the pillars out, the Temple falls and they all die. Samson died by suicide! But if you look in the 11th chapter of Hebrews you will find him listed with the heroes of faith. Skip down to the end of Hebrews, and it says, “Because God had us in mind and had something better and greater in view for us, so that they [these heroes and heroines of faith] should not come to perfection apart from us [before we could join them].” My son was born again, and I know he’s in heaven. For those that weren’t born again, such as my nephew, please don’t stop reading here. I asked God about this when my nephew died because I sent many prayers up for that young man. I prayed for him and another young man every day, for years, when I prayed for my family. So I asked God about him, desperate to know. He assured me in several ways that Mark is in heaven. But something I want to share here that will help many. The Bible says if you call on God He will answer. All Mark needed in his moments of desperation was a “God help me!” and God heard that cry. If you knew you were about to go into eternity, wouldn’t you cry out to God? There will be many in heaven that we never dreamed we’d see there! On the road to Damascus Paul was saved with one word: “Help!”.
I also hear your questions about “if there’s a God, why is there so much pain in the world, so many hungry and hurting, etc. ” The Bible tells us that God is moved by faith, not need, not tears, not telling God about how bad the problem is. Only faith. Let me use a “word picture” here. Let’s say that you have a kitchen full of food and everything you need to cook it. You’re hungry and there is no one to cook, except you. You have never cooked in your life, but you know someone that burnt food a lot. You also know several other people that told you it was a waste of time because only certain people could do it. You can set there in your chair and starve to death instead of looking in a cookbook and trying to learn how to cook. But that doesn’t mean God killed you. In the same way, God has the answers to life’s problems in His Bible, but you have to study and draw on the wisdom of God. You can’t just go by what someone told you the Bible says. Go find out for yourself! Some of these countries that have people starving have an abundance of cattle, but they choose to worship cattle. So they are staving to death while a supply of beef is right there walking their streets. (It’s their free will to believe cattle are sacred if they want to.)
© Louise Wirick 2002
Founder- Survivors Road2healing
(Louise is also an Ordained Minister.)
He Only Took My Hand
Last night while I was trying to sleep my son’s voice I did hear.
I opened my eyes and looked around but he did not appear.
He said, “You’ve got to listen. You’ve got to understand;
God didn’t take me from you, He only took my hand.
When I cried out in pain that night, the instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand, and pulled me to his side.
He pulled me up and saved me, from the misery and pain.
My body so badly wounded I could never be the same.
My search is finally over now, I’ve found happiness within.
All the answers to empty dreams, and all I might have been.
I love you all and miss you so… please don’t keep asking why.
My body’s gone forever, but my spirit will never die!
So live until we meet again, and please try to understand
God didn’t take me from you, He only took my hand.